The 'Upper Limit' Problem: A Guide to Handling Success (When It Feels Terrifying)

 You just had the best week of your professional life. You landed the dream client you’ve been chasing for a year. Your product launch exceeded its sales goal in 48 hours. Everything you’ve been working for is finally, actually, happening.

So why do you feel a pit of dread in your stomach?

Why are you suddenly picking a fight with your partner over something trivial? Why are you convinced that a catastrophic email is lurking in your inbox? Why do you feel an overwhelming urge to get sick, get injured, or just hide?

This isn’t a coincidence. It’s a pattern. And it has a name: The Upper Limit Problem.

The brilliant author Gay Hendricks, in his book "The Big Leap," introduced this game-changing concept. It’s the idea that we all have a hidden, internal thermostat for how much joy, success, and love we are comfortable feeling. When our life gets too good and we exceed that preset limit, our subconscious mind panics and creates a crisis—a worry, a fight, an illness—to bring our happiness level back down to the familiar, "safe" zone. It's the ultimate form of self-sabotage.

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The 4 Common 'Upper Limit' Sabotages (and How to Disarm Them)

Recognizing why you self-sabotage when things are going well is the first step to freedom. Here are the four most common tactics your brain uses to knock you off your own pedestal.

1. The 'Worry' Sabotage

The moment a huge success lands, does your brain immediately invent a new and terrifying problem to worry about? You close a huge deal, and instead of celebrating, you immediately start panicking about how you'll deliver, convinced you're not up to the task. This feels like responsible planning, but it’s often a sneaky trick to avoid feeling too much joy.

Actionable Tip: The "Is This a Problem or a Story?" Inquiry When a new worry pops up after a big win, pause and ask yourself: "Is this a real, logistical problem that needs a plan, or is this just a fictional story my brain is telling me because this level of success feels uncomfortable?" Separating logistical planning from manufactured fear is a game-changer.

2. The 'Criticism' Sabotage

Things are going great, so you suddenly find fault with everything. You criticize your team, you pick a fight with your partner, or you turn the criticism inward, focusing on one tiny flaw in your otherwise massive success.

This is a classic deflection tactic. If you're busy feeling angry or disappointed, you don't have to feel the vulnerable, expansive, and often terrifying feeling of pure happiness.

Actionable Tip: The "Gratitude" Interrupter The moment you feel the urge to complain or criticize after a win, your only job is to interrupt the pattern with gratitude. You must immediately find one, tiny, specific thing to be grateful for. "My team did an amazing job on the presentation graphics." "I'm so grateful for my partner's support." Gratitude and criticism cannot occupy the same mental space at the same time.

3. The 'Sickness/Accident' Sabotage

This is the one that feels the most bizarre, but it's shockingly common. Right after you sign a huge contract or get a major press feature, do you suddenly come down with a cold? Get a migraine? Accidentally trip and sprain your ankle?

Sometimes, this is your body's way of creating a very real, very distracting crisis to pull you back below your upper limit. It’s a subconscious cry of, "This is too much good feeling! I need a real problem to deal with!"

Actionable Tip: The "Embodiment" Practice When you feel that strange, post-success illness coming on, it's often a sign of nervous energy being stuck in your body. Get physical. Go for a brisk walk, do 20 jumping jacks, or put on your favorite song and have a 3-minute dance party in your office. Shifting your physical state can help release the energetic panic.

4. The 'Deflection' Sabotage

This is the most common form for high-achieving women. Someone praises your success, and you immediately deflect. "Oh, it was a team effort." "We just got lucky." "It wasn't that big of a deal."

This is your imposter syndrome and your upper limit problem working together as a tag team. You deflect the praise because on some level, you don't feel you deserve it, and receiving it would push you past your comfort zone of joy.

Actionable Tip: The "Thank You. Period." Response The next time someone congratulates you on a win, your only allowed response is two words: "Thank you." That's it. No deflecting, no downplaying, no self-deprecating jokes. Just take a deep breath, look them in the eye, and let the praise land. It will feel incredibly uncomfortable at first. Practice it.

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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Q: Where does the upper limit problem even come from? A: Gay Hendricks suggests it often comes from childhood conditioning. We absorb unconscious beliefs like "If something good happens, something bad is right around the corner," or we feel a sense of disloyalty to our less-successful family members if we become "too" successful.

Q: How is this different from just regular imposter syndrome? A: They are related, but different. Imposter syndrome is the feeling that you're a fraud and haven't earned your success. The upper limit problem is the subconscious fear that you have earned your success, and that the joy and abundance that come with it are too much to handle.

Q: Can I actually raise my upper limit for good? A: Yes. The primary way to raise your upper limit is to get comfortable with feeling good. The practices above—especially the Gratitude Interrupter and the "Thank You. Period." response—are ways of consciously allowing yourself to feel joy and success for longer and longer periods without sabotaging it.

Conclusion: You Are Worthy of Your Wins

Expanding your capacity for joy is some of the deepest and most important work you can do. You have worked tirelessly to create your success. You deserve to actually enjoy it. Learning to recognize your signs of self-sabotage is the first step to disarming them. It’s how you give yourself permission to not just achieve great things, but to live a great, joyful, and expansive life.